“You know baby, if it wasn’t for these women you wouldn’t be here”
Cynthia Piper
In 2011, 15,863 abortions were performed in New Zealand, of which 97.6% were authorised on the grounds of a “danger to the mental health” of the woman.1There is no doubt that for many women an unintended pregnancy is a crisis situation causing severe anguish. The woman’s over-riding wish is for life to return to normal; a wish to be ‘unpregnant’. How a woman, her partner or spouse, family members, friends, employer, and school react to the news can influence the decision whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. Despite rhetoric that it is a woman’s choice, the people she turns to for help or advice may leave her feeling that she has no choice but to abort.
A woman in a crisis pregnancy experiences a conflicting mass of emotions; she is hormonal and very vulnerable. In this fragile state of mind she has to make what is likely to be one of the most important decisions of her life; one that will have life-long consequences. Rather than making a quick decision a woman needs time to consider all her options. She needs to be provided with balanced, full and factual information so she can make an authentic informed choice free from coercion, based on her individual circumstances and according to her conscience. All her options, keeping baby, adoption or abortion have long term consequences – there is no easy choice.
Lena (aged 18), reported that when she discovered she was pregnant she was so upset she even considered suicide. Her older sister had a baby outside of marriage at 18, and two years later her parents still had not met their grandchild. Fearing her parent’s reaction – ‘Dad will kill me, I’m his princess’ – recalling the experience of her older sister, losing her job, and believing she had sinned against God, Lena felt an abortion was the answer because then ‘no one will know.’2An abortion, it seemed, would solve all her problems. Fortunately, Lena contacted a lay counselling agency whose counsellors recognised that there were a number of issues that Lena needed to work through if she was going to make an informed decision free from coercion.
As with many pregnant women in this situation, Lena was surrounded by what Carolina Gnad calls a ‘web of influence’ that can drive a woman towards believing an abortion is her only choice.3In Lena’s case, that web included her cultural and religious background, a lack of support from her boyfriend, the potentially negative reaction of her parents, a belief that she had shamed her family (they were respected elders in their church community), the loss of her dreams and plans for the future and limited knowledge about abortion and the available support. These factors were compounded by attitudes towards abortion gained from the media, work colleagues, and friends. Knowing that an abortion can be lawfully obtained, and that therefore it must be ‘okay’, can over-ride a woman’s sense or belief that abortion is morally wrong.
Sometimes it is pride and/or sense of shame that encourages a mum or dad to suggest their daughter terminate a pregnancy, even when this runs counter to their own or their daughter’s beliefs. Comments such as ‘My mum said she was too young to be a grandmother’; ‘don’t expect us to look after your baby’; ‘you’ll never get a decent job now’; ‘look what you have done to your life’, are some of the parental reactions counsellors hear. It takes great courage to continue with a pregnancy in opposition to parental wishes and criticism. As parents, we need to learn to put our own pride and dreams or plans for our daughters on hold and take a lesson from the courage and resilience of our children. Conversely, there are a great many parents who are supportive of their children and welcome the new grandchild into the family. Sarah was initially very embarrassed and believed that she had lost face within her church community when her 16 year old daughter became pregnant. A simple ‘congratulations grandma’ from a colleague was all it took to restore her confidence. Parents and partners who accompany single, pregnant women also need support and encouragement.
When counsellors met with Lena it soon became evident that, despite what she said, abortion was not really an option as it went against her beliefs and values. It is widely known that “[w]omen are more likely to suffer emotional problems after an abortion” if they have gone against their own moral and religious values or maternal instincts, were pressured by others, had little support from their families or partners, or felt unsure about having an abortion.4Yet, in the state of mind she presented with, had Lena sought counselling at an abortion clinic, she would have been assessed as being eligible for an abortion and the outcome would, in all likelihood, have been very different. What prevented that from happening was the awareness she gained from those who accompanied her on her journey that there were many external, personal, religious, social and economic influences that were pushing her towards abortion and preventing her from making a fully informed choice.
After a week of counselling, Lena came up with a solution; maybe she could find somewhere to stay until she had the courage to tell her parents about the pregnancy. Such places are few in New Zealand, but at that time there was an opening at Bethany House. For Lena, that allowed her to tell her parents about the pregnancy from the ‘safety’ of distance. Within three months Lena had told her dad about the pregnancy and moved back home before giving birth. She was surprised to discover that her parents did not reject her, and they were surprised at the way their ‘little princess’ had managed on her own.
What was important in Lena’s situation was that at no time was she hurried into making one of the most important decisions in her life. Psychologist, J. William Worden has identified that “most women seeking abortions tend to do so in haste and, because of the stigma and shame associated with abortion, they may make the decision without the emotional support of family and friends.”5In New Zealand, the speed with which women are expected to come to a free, rational decision creates added pressure. At a 2008 workshop for staff at a Family Planning Clinic, medical professionals expressed concern and frustration at the time it took some women to make up their minds. They argued that the earlier a woman can come to a decision, the better.6This mindset places added pressure on a woman and may undermine her freedom. It should also be remembered that when a crisis involves moral, ethical, religious challenges, people tend to be less trusting of their own opinions and ability to make the right decision. They can become more reliant on the opinions of others, especially those closest to them, those in authority or those with specialist knowledge. The decision to abort is never independent of the woman’s circumstances and the influence of the people around her, especially her partner.7
Fear of relationship failure is one of the powerful drivers towards an abortion. The partner who says, ‘it’s your choice’, but then adds, ‘if you don’t get rid of it I’m off’, is not giving the woman a choice at all. Sadly, this scenario is all too common among those seeking pre or post-abortion counselling. Those working in pre and post-abortion counselling identify that partner relationship is the most common reason for women undergoing termination. In a Swedish study, women stated that their decision might have been different had they had support from their partner.8Australian research from 1995 showed that relationship problems contributed towards 45% of decisions regarding abortion.9
Some of the most vulnerable young women in a crisis pregnancy situation are those still at school. When there is no, or limited, support from parents, these young people need the help and support from school counsellors, teachers, or mentors whom they trust. The situation is not helped when teachers (including those at Catholic schools) tell students that they agree with abortion. Ruth (aged 15) had an abortion after her teacher told her “all the stink things about having a baby.”10Similarly, the comment made to a colleague that having a pregnant girl at a Catholic school is ‘not a good look’ demonstrates a lack of understanding of the concepts of compassion and the principles of Catholic Social Teaching. Young pregnant women must be allowed to continue their education in order to provide the best outcome for themselves and their children.
Both the pro-choice and pro-life lobbies use woman-centered strategies to influence the outcome of unintended pregnancies. When they are involved in the counselling processes there is a danger that their agenda ‘to the cause’ becomes most important rather than the best interests of the client. A pro-life woman-centred strategy focusses on an understanding that “women neither want nor benefit from abortion; that most women do not really ‘choose’ abortion but are pressured into it by others.”11While this may be true, those working with women considering an abortion need to stay focused on thoroughly exploring her legitimate needs as defined by her real-life context.
The process of promoting free and informed consent should minimise coercion and increase awareness of the physical and psychological risks associated with abortion. The consequences of continuing with the pregnancy, adoption and abortion also need to be discussed. Promoting and providing practical assistance to pregnant women helps ensure that women such as Lena are provided with real alternatives to abortion. Women need someone to help them sort through the myriad complex issues they face. If, in the end, a woman decides to have an abortion, compassion and an avenue for healing and support are vitally important.
In 1994, Pope John Paul II wrote: “It is precisely the woman, in fact, who pays the highest price, not only for her motherhood, but even more for its destruction, for the suppression of the life of the child who has been conceived. The only honest stance… is that of radical solidarity with the woman.”12
When Lena’s baby was three months old one of the counsellors visited her to see if there was anything she needed and to find out how she was coping. Lena’s words to her baby summed it up: “You know baby, if it wasn’t for these women you wouldn’t be here.”
Cynthia Piper has worked as a volunteer for over twelve years with pregnant teens and with Project Rachel, the Catholic Church’s after-abortion healing and support service. She is a lecturer with The Catholic Institute.
Endnotes
1 97.6% = 15,478. Abortion Supervisory Committee, Report of the Abortion Supervisory Committee, Wellington: Ministry of Justice, 2102.
2 Case notes. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the informant.
3 C. Gnad, Broadening Perspectives Around Termination of Pregnancy, Christchurch: P.A.T.H.S. 2012.
4 Ministry of Health, Considering an Abortion? What are Your Options?, Ministry of Health, Wellington: 1998, p.12
5 J. William Worden, Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, Third edition, New York: Routledge, 2003, p.136.
6 Much of this emphasis on speed is because in New Zealand a pregnancy under 12 weeks can take place in a licensed clinic, whereas those over 12 weeks are performed by a specialist operating in a licensed hospital. http://www.abortion.gen.nz/legal/index.html. Accessed 6 November 2013.7 Selena Ewing, “An evidence base for counselling, social policy and alternatives to abortion”, Common Ground: Seeking an Australian Consensus on Abortion and Sex Education, John Fleming and Nicholas Tonti-Filippini, eds., Strathfield: St Pauls, 2007, p. 223.
8 Ewing, 2007, p. 218.
9 Ewing, 2007, p. 225.
10 Case notes, September, 2010
11 Brigid McKenna, “Reframing the anti-abortion message: pro-life and/ or pro-woman?”, Common Ground: Seeking an Australian Consensus on Abortion and Sex Education, John Fleming & Nicholas Tonti-Filippini, eds., Strathfield: St Pauls, 2007, pp.182-83.
12 John Paul II, Crossing the Threshold of Hope, London:Jonathan Cape, p.207.