Reflections on Post Abortion Care
Dawn de Witt
Beginnings
Around 2000 I joined a small group of women to explore the merits of the Victims of Choice post abortion recovery programme from the United States. At the time, it struck me that I had very little knowledge of abortion issues despite my professional studies. In New Zealand, a termination of pregnancy is available through the public health system and is promoted as a safe medical option for those who do not wish to continue a pregnancy to term. The experience of the group was that there existed a real need for healing and reconciliation after abortion - and we wanted to make that possible.
The literature confounds
My interest in the issue prompted me to do a literature survey. This opened a Pandora's box for me. There were conflicting findings, heated debate, fierce criticism of unsound methodologies, vehement argument and counter argument. I was disappointed. The scholarly articles and debates seemed to be immersed in the politics and polarities surrounding abortion that were prevalent in American society, unable to transcend them. The title of the 1998 monograph of the American Psychological Association, The New Civil War: The Psychology, Culture, and Politics of Abortion1 appears to confirm that.
There was no consensus on the impact of abortion. In some reports, it was construed as just another stressful event. For others, it was a significant trauma associated with mental health issues and symptoms similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The notion of Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS) was raised and rejected.
The American Psychological Association (APA) consistently asserted that the incidence of negative responses after abortion was low (19902, 19923). In 2006, a task force was assigned to evaluate the evidence.
The American Psychological Association Report on Abortion and Mental Health
In 2009, in their Report on Abortion and Mental Health4, the APA concluded that:
1. Most adult women who terminate a pregnancy do not experience mental health problems. Some women do, however.
2. The evidence regarding the relative mental health risks associated with multiple abortions is more uncertain.
3. Some women experience sadness, grief and feelings of loss following an abortion, and some may experience "clinically significant disorders, including depression and anxiety." 5
4. No evidence sufficient to support the claim that an observed association between abortion history and mental health was caused by the abortion per se, as opposed to other factors." 6
The results related to the experience of a single abortion as opposed to multiple abortions. The Report noted factors that may be predictive of more negative psychological responses following first-trimester abortion among women in the United States:
• perceptions of stigma
• need for secrecy
• low or anticipated low social support for the abortion decision
• a prior history of mental health problems
• personality factors such as low self-esteem and the use of avoidance and denial coping strategies
• characteristics of the particular pregnancy, and the extent to which the woman wanted and felt committed to it.
Here was clear acknowledgement that some women were experiencing grief and mental health issues after an abortion. Yet, despite the report warning about the dangers of making globalising statements, the message disseminated was: Abortion Has No Impact On Women's Mental Health. This message persists today.
To better understand the impact of abortion, I undertook to listen to those who were seeking help after abortion.
Impressions from the field
The deepest of sorrows
The most poignant learning has been the depth of grief and sorrow I encountered. This is no ordinary grief. It is complex and complicated. There are multiple losses; complex personal and social narratives; intense emotions; and some level of responsibility in the death. The grief is disenfranchised. It is socially unrecognised, unacknowledged and unsanctioned. There are no socially accepted rituals for mourning. At its heart is a death of a baby.
In those seeking help, this sorrow seems universal. It has presented in men and women; in relationships that are secure or in more tenuous, uncommitted or even undesirable relationships; whether there had been full responsibility or coercion; where there is faith and where there is no faith; where there have been pre-existing mental health issues and where there has not; in cases of secure attachment histories and in those with histories of insecure attachments; whether the pregnancy was unwanted or wanted; and whether there was a sense of connection with the foetus or not.
Anger is a part of grieving. Coupled with bitterness and resentments, it can become intense. It may be directed towards God, oneself or others. At times, we see that anger directed at 'the State', the 'system', or society at large; this anger is about unrealistic societal expectations, mixed messages from society, insensitive processes and a lack of information about the risks.
Four areas of wounding have emerged from my own listening and reading: the wound to the child; the wound to self (primarily for being implicated in the termination, intentionally or by default); wounded relationships (with others involved in the abortion) and wounded spirituality. Healing entails reconciliation(s) in each of these areas.
The feminine face of coercion
The incidence of coercion is high, consistent with that reported by the Elliot Institute.7 The classic picture of threats, intimidation, ultimatums, stand-over tactics and/or violence is seldom reported. More prevalent is the subtle psychological pressure applied by others, usually female, to compel a woman to terminate a pregnancy against her will.
Younger women, not yet fully individuated, still dependent on their parents and lacking the confidence to challenge parental authority, tend to fall victim to the female face of coercion - a mother, sister, or grandmother may persuade, cajole or harass, the subtle use of a position of trust, power and influence in a close relationship. Youth, obedience to parents and respect for authority add to the pressure to comply.
The message 'I know what's best for you' masquerades as care and may go unnoticed by the professionals involved. Reports include not being listened to by medical personnel; not being given an opportunity to be seen alone; and being sidelined while the dominating figure conducts the conversation. Passivity is easily misconstrued as consent and the process quickly moves to completion. Powerlessness, isolation and a sense of abandonment ensue. Violated boundaries, betrayals of trust and the losses of abortion give rise to anger and rage which, if internalised, may trigger depression.
Family narratives
Family stories underpin decisions to terminate a pregnancy.
Fathers shape their daughters' perceptions and expectations of men. A daughter observes her father's care for her, for her mother and how he relates to his wife/partner in pregnancy. The absence of a father may prompt a daughter to exchange sex for love. In my experience father narratives have been less prominent than mother-daughter narratives.
A woman's relationship with her mother is seen as central and ambivalence in the mother-daughter relationship is significant. Themes and patterns of behaviour are noted over three generations of women as they respond to trauma, life events, societal and familial attitudes to women and sociocultural trends.
Narratives passed down inform womanhood and produce powerful, often subconscious, beliefs about motherhood, for example, 'Once you're a mother, your life is not your own'. Injunctions like 'be successful' and 'do something with your life' subtly undermine the value of motherhood. Mothers who have been disappointed or who have struggled with motherhood subtly communicate this to their daughters.
Presence of historical sexual abuse was not surprising and is well documented in the literature.8 What is surprising is the high incidence I've noticed in peer support groups with whom I have been involved – over 80% on one occasion.
Lack of information
It is surprising that reports of insufficient information are regularly heard. With some dismay, women say: 'Nobody told me'; 'I didn't know'; or 'I never expected this'.
The Code of Ethics for Psychologists 9 states that obtaining informed consent from those with whom they are working is "a fundamental expression of respect for the dignity of persons and peoples."
A psychologist needs to:
1. provide "as much information as a reasonable or prudent person, family, whānau, or community would want to know before making a decision or consenting to an activity" (para. 1.7.6)
2. take reasonable steps to ensure that the information is understood (1.7.7)
3. take all reasonable steps to ensure that consent is not given under conditions of coercion or undue pressure from them (1.7.4)
4. "have an increased responsibility to protect and promote the rights of those who were vulnerable because they have lesser power" (1.7.1)
5. give sufficient time for the recipients to respond to the information (1.7.7).
The omission of informed consent in the protocols around abortion may, in part, reflect the fact that the Contraception, Sterilisation, and Abortion Act 1977 was promulgated before there was any developed notion of informed consent.
The fact that other health care professionals operate under equivalent codes of ethics regarding information and consent is not borne out in the stories I have consistently heard from women.
Conclusion
Experience confirms that abortion is a significant life event that can cause considerable loss and grief. The circumstances of the decision and the factors that influence the decision are diverse and complex. Simplistic restatements of research findings, without elaboration, do women a disservice.
Full and accurate information about risks and effective screening for coercion by way of independent and neutral counselling, and enough time to consider her response to an unwanted pregnancy, is every woman's basic right. As psychologists and healthcare professionals, it is our responsibility to ensure that.
I am deeply grateful to those men and women who have shared their stories with me and I thank them for enabling me to grow in this field.
Dawn de Witt is a Counselling Psychologist with a background in general practice, relationship counselling and family therapy. She presently co-ordinates Project Rachel in the Catholic Diocese of Hamilton, New Zealand and is on the retreat team of Rachel's Vineyard Retreats.
Endnotes
1. http://www.apa.org/search.aspx?query=the new civil war retrieved on 2 February 2017
2. Adler, et al. 'Psychological responses after abortion'. Science 06 Apr 1990: Vol. 248, Issue 4951, pp. 41-44. http://science.sciencemag.org/content/248/4951/41 accessed on 21 March 2017
3. Adler, et al. 'Psychological factors in abortion: A review'. American Psychologist, Vol 47(10), Oct 1992, 1194-1204. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.47.10.1194 accessed on 2 February 2017
4. http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/mental-health-abortion-report.pdf accessed on 2 February 2017
5. APA Press Release. http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2008/08/single-abortion.aspx accessed on 20 March 2017
6. Ibid.
7. http://www.theunchoice.com/articles/howcommoniscoercion.htm accessed on 20 March 2017
8. Boden, Joseph M; Fergusson, David M; & Horwood, L. John. 'Experience of sexual abuse in childhood and abortion in adolescence and early adulthood'. Child Abuse & Neglect, Volume 33, Issue 12, December 2009, pp. 870–876
9. Code of Ethics for Psychologists. Para 1.7 http://psychologistsboard.org.nz/cms_show_download.php?id=235 accessed on 6 March 2017.
Please do not make a hole in the dike
ORAL PRESENTATION to Health Select Committee Inquiry into Ending One’s Life in New Zealand
Petrus Simons
18 November 2016
Today it is forty-nine years ago since I arrived in New Zealand from the Netherlands. I was welcomed by a very friendly society. Migrants have a unique opportunity to compare the society they hail from with the one that has welcomed them. Often, this gives us a unique perspective on things.
Sadly, as I tried to keep up with events in my old country, I became aware of a trend towards euthanasia which culminated in 2001 in a bill to legalise it, after the courts had allowed doctors to practise it under conditions that were steadily made less strict. I note also that until the legalisation of euthanasia in 2002, Belgium had proportionately more people aged 100 years than the Netherlands had. This is likely to change as Belgium has adopted the same legislation and has become even more aggressive in applying euthanasia and assisted suicide.
In my younger years, in the early 1960s an older colleague had a child who was completely handicapped intellectually. No one in the family ever received one glimpse of recognition from her. Yet, they cared for her 24/7 with a love they had never believed they were capable of. When they were mourning her death after 13 years, they realised that that was precisely the precious gift they had received from that child.
Currently, parents in such a case would be under enormous pressure to get the child killed at birth as one believes this to be more efficient and useful, although one would use the word ‘compassion’. I maintain that the sick, the fragile and the vulnerable enable us to love, by caring for them, whether as doctors, nurses, friends or family.
The current law acts as a boundary which doctors and nurses know they should not cross. It enables them to provide loving appropriate care. It also allows them to stop applying highly technical medical procedures when they can only protract the dying process and when palliative care is called for instead. The boundary is like a dike which keeps the sea at bay and enables life to go on inside the polders.
The boundary, the dike, is necessary to ensure that medical efficiency remains focussed on preserving and caring for life, without a cold calculation of utility and disutility. Without the boundary, one goes down the road of killing efficiently as it might appear to provide the greatest utility to the vulnerable and to society. This would not be the friendly New Zealand I have come to know and love in my 49 years here.
No matter what sort of bill would be written to enable assisted suicide and/or euthanasia, it will make a hole in the dike. Inevitably, such a hole will get larger and larger till the dike ceases to exist.
Please do not make a hole in the dike.
By Dr Petrus Simons
Dr Petrus Simons is a retired economist with a PhD in philosophy.
Editorial - Why are abortion advocates afraid of informed choice?
The polarising issue of abortion has come to the fore again, triggered by the Abortion Supervisory Committee’s annual report to Parliament. Despite the ASC chairwoman saying that the committee had no opinion on major reform of the abortion laws – that it was solely a matter for parliament – many commentators who want further liberalisation have taken the opportunity to lambaste the current law, labelling it a legal obstacle course, archaic, hypocritical, a charade, cumbersome, and intrusive.
The simple solution, they say, is abortion on demand – no need to ask any questions. As articulated by David Seymour MP: “The right thing to do is reform abortion law to reflect what actually happens: women exercise choice for their own reasons.” He and others argue that the current law disempowers women. As one blogger wrote: “At the heart of it all is a distrust of women, innit? … a failure to understand that women are full moral adults.”
The debate that has ensued highlights an important point: the current abortion law is being consistently undermined by the way in which it is being implemented. This is what undoubtedly leads supporters as well as some opponents of abortion to label the present regime as hypocritical.
While the debate raises many interesting questions, the one critical question not often asked is whether removing the procedures that are part of the current law will in fact lead to better choices and better outcomes for women contemplating an abortion.
Our choices are limited by the constraints of our knowledge and context. These constraints generally take two forms: (i) a lack of proper information and (ii) the presence of coercion. Informed and free consent based on full, balanced and factual information, while allowing time to adequately consider that information, is the ‘sine qua non’ for making quality choices.
Research into the potentially negative health effects of abortion is characterised by claims and counter-claims. For example, research reported by the Health Research Council of New Zealand (by Professor David Fergusson of the University of Otago’s Christchurch Health and Development Study, 2008) suggests “women who undergo an abortion face a 30 per cent increase in the risk of developing common mental health problems such as depression and anxiety.” Conversely, other overseas studies have concluded that the rates of mental health problems for women with an unwanted pregnancy were the same whether they had an abortion or gave birth. Academically speaking, the question of potential harm to women remains a contested one.
The strongest evidence that there are real negative health effects following an abortion arises out of the day-to-day work done by clinical psychologists and counsellors. Their consistent experience is that they encounter many women whose mental well-being has been adversely affected on a number of levels by their experience of abortion.
Further reflection on “what actually happens” to women who have had abortions highlights the reality of coercion. Many women, after the event, report feeling that they had no other option at the time but to proceed, often because of pressure from parents, partner and/or peers. At times this pressure is also experienced as coming from staff at the Termination of Pregnancy Units. For other women, the pressure they feel is generated by employment or social factors. In the words of another commentator, in such situations, the decision for an abortion is best described as a tragic response to lack of choice.
Section 14 of the Contraception, Sterilisation and Abortion Act, which details the functions of the Abortion Supervisory Committee, states that they are “to take all reasonable and practicable steps to ensure that sufficient and adequate facilities are available throughout New Zealand for counselling women who may seek advice in relation to abortion.” When women repeatedly recount they were offered five to ten minutes with a social worker before the abortion ‘if you want it’, and when there is reliable evidence that abortions are signed off by some consultants over the phone with no face-to-face interview, it is hard to argue that this provision is being properly implemented.
In which case, it becomes impossible to argue that the current New Zealand practices surrounding abortions consistently promote informed and free choice.
There is surely no greater expression of “distrust of women” than society paternalistically deciding, whether through law reform or the inadequate implementation of its current laws, to censor the information provided to women contemplating an abortion. Equally, it is surely also a failure of care to neglect to put in place mechanisms that can help women contemplating an abortion to recognise and deal positively with any feelings of ambivalence as well as the actualities of coercion.
It is in the interest of free and informed consent and empowerment that all women are offered independent counselling that addresses the coercive realities surrounding many abortions and which makes them aware of all the risks as well as all the options they have. Honest reflection on what is actually happening only reinforces the fact that abortion on demand will not achieve this.
If as a society we truly want to respect choice, then why would we be afraid of promoting free and informed consent?
Cynthia Piper has over 20 years’ experience as a trained volunteer lay counsellor working with pregnant women and teens and their families, and with Project Rachel, a post-abortion healing and support service.
Dr John Kleinsman is director of The Nathaniel Centre.
Abortion and God’s Mercy and Grace
By Amanda Bradley
I have been an Anglican Priest for many years, also a contributor to Project Rachel in the form of counseling those who wish to come for reconciliation following a termination of pregnancy.
Over the years, I have spoken with, and listened to, many young women, and some men, for whom the experience of an abortion is new and raw. However, I have also met those for whom the experience is years old but has never gone away. One such meeting was with a woman of 93, in a Rest Home, who was very much afraid to die. I had been called by staff of the Home to speak to her because of her fear of dying.
She felt that God could never forgive her for a ‘sin’ she said she had committed more than 75 years previously. As an 18 year old student she had met a 20 year old man and they had fallen in love. She had become pregnant.
She did not know she was pregnant until after she experienced bouts of nausea and had fainted several times at her home where she lived with her father and stepmother. The doctor was called and the pregnancy was subsequently discovered.
The decision was then made that the doctor would carry out a termination at home and nobody would be any the wiser. This was carried out, she was forbidden to see the young man again and she was told, by the stepmother, that she would be going to hell for killing a child.
Some 4 years later this woman met her young man again, married him and they had many happy years together, as well as 5 lovely, successful children who, at the time I met her, were all middle aged.
Neither her husband nor her children knew about her abortion. Neither did this woman share her burden with anyone else. She lived all those years with the fear of a vengeful God waiting for her when she died. We talked at some length about the nature of God and of God’s forgiveness, mercy and grace. Eventually she agreed to tell her daughter in law, a school counselor, about her experience of so long ago. This she did, along with others in the family. Her family were all very supportive and sad that their mother had had to carry this burden alone for so long.
She died soon after, peacefully and unafraid.
Before she died she gave me permission to tell her story to anyone whom it might help.
I buried her, moved out of the family’s lives and changed parishes but I have often recalled this woman and given thanks that I can freely share her story to assist others.
During my next period of ministry, I attended a large church gathering of clergy and lay people where the subject of abortion, among other things, was raised. Some very judgmental opinions were voiced by a number of attendees and various punitive measures proposed by some. Eventually, I felt called to go to the microphone to tell the audience of my experience of Project Rachel. I reminded them of forgiveness, reconciliation, redemption and the mercy of God.
At lunch three women approached me. Two were tearful, admitting that they had each had an abortion when very young. The other shared sending her 16 year old daughter to Australia via SOS (Sisters Overseas) to terminate her pregnancy.
The four of us missed the next session as we talked together. All three expressed their gratitude that, after living for many years in silence, they had at last found an opportunity to tell someone about their regrets. I reminded them, as I gave them the prayerful absolution they craved, that God was waiting in the wings for them to turn to him in prayer and always had been. We then shared a time of prayer and while I felt gratitude that I had helped these women move on, yet I was saddened to see that all three had removed their name tags, not fully trusting me with who they were.
These were women who were very active in the church, in responsible positions, purporting to bring the love of God to others, yet they still could not fully trust God with their regrets or a priest working for Project Rachel with their identities. Work in the church-yes; prayers for others-yes; abortion details- yes; reveal their names- no.
It makes me think: ‘Just how many more women and men are out there living needlessly with such burdens?’
Rev Amanda Bradley is an Anglican priest who has worked as a nurse, taught at university, was a foster mother to seven children, and has worked with and counselled men and women post-abortion. Amanda and has been associated with Project Rachel for a number of years.
Abortion Trauma, Grief and Healing
It is argued by some that the politics surrounding abortion have contributed to the lack of consensus in in the literature regarding post-abortion experiences, in particular whether some women’s subsequent mental health struggles were connected to other factors in their lives rather than their experience of having an abortion (see Dawn de Witt, Issue 51 of The Nathaniel Report).
One of the risks of denying post-abortion trauma is that it can add to the shame and stigma women might already experience and it can leave them with unacknowledged grief, a grief they may be told or may feel, is unreal. “At present health professionals are not being trained to diagnose, treat or prevent abortion trauma, and are generally reluctant to investigate when problems arise subsequent to an abortion, offering at best, symptomatic treatment (or worse, further traumatizing and isolating the sufferer). Therapists who are concerned about abortion trauma, not unreasonably fear being professionally attacked or isolated (particularly from those with a ‘personal investment’ in the safety of abortion) if they speak publicly or professionally of their concerns. Consequently, most women and men traumatised by abortion, have no access to the professional help they need”.1 Moreover, as pointed out in the same article “abortion referral agencies and institutions, because of their role in facilitating denial and dehumanising the unborn, have a conflict of interest, and are inappropriate venues for abortion grief therapy”.
Many women are at risk of experiencing long-term emotional, spiritual, psychological, and relationship difficulties post-abortion but the lack of recognition of these experiences means they are unable to access the support they need.
Some agencies that specialise in providing support are listed below.
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Endnotes
- “Post Abortion Syndrome. The Silent Suffering” available at: https://www.abortiongrief.asn.au/abortion-trauma.php
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Project Rachel
Project Rachel is a confidential ministry for anyone who desires healing after being impacted by abortion. This includes the mothers and fathers of children lost to abortion, grandparents and other relatives, health care providers, and many others. Abortion crosses all boundaries of religion, race, age and socio-economic position.
Project Rachel's mission is to provide a confidential and compassionate ministry that offers resources for spiritual, emotional, and psychological healing to anyone who has been impacted by abortion regardless of faith background. We strive to convey God's forgiveness and mercy in order to restore and empower lives.
See: http://www.fli.org.nz/project-rachel
0800 111 811 (free call)
or text/call: 027 299 9815
Pregnancy Help
Practical support and advice to prepare for parenthood te tautoko me te tohutohu awhina mō te mātuatanga.
See: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Pregnancy Help
PO Box 12000
WELLINGTON, 6144
P.A.T.H.S. Post Abortion Trauma Healing Service
See: http://www.postabortionpaths.org.nz
0800 728 470
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Pregnancy Counselling Services
http://www.pregnancycounselling.org.nz
0800 773 462
Text: 021 289 8727
Editorial - Allowing Grace to Catch Up
Michael McCabe
At the 2015 Synod on the Family held in Rome, there was considerable reflection on the moral principle of gradualism, a principle whose roots lie in the thinking and writing of Blessed Paul VI and which has been further developed by Saint John Paul II in Familiaris Consortio (nn. 9 & 34) and Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia (nn. 295 & 300).
Simply put, people grow in different ways and at different times on their faith journey – and that is just as true for each community as it is for each person. The personal and pastoral challenge for each of us is living with that reality; living with ourselves and living with it in our relationships, our families, our faith communities and society.
The key moral question is how to retain compassion and charity towards those who think and act differently to us? Do we run away? Do we seek out a like-minded group? While flight is necessary for our soul’s growth at times, it does not always lead to growth, compassion, better understanding or wisdom simply because we may be avoiding a deeper issue.
The Gospel passage about the two sons, Matthew 21:23-32, provides a picture of gradual growth:
‘What do you think? A man had two sons; he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ He answered, ‘I will not’; but later he changed his mind and went. The father went to the second and said the same; and he answered, ‘I will go, sir’; but he did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?’ They answered, ‘The first.’
In his commentary on this Gospel passage, Father Michael Hayes, tells the story of a Catholic High School teacher who was running into difficulty presenting the Catholic position on abortion to her class. The students seemed to be rejecting the viewpoint that she was presenting, so she asked the school’s guidance counsellor for help. He began his presentation to the students by saying how difficult the practical decisions surrounding abortion can be. The counsellor also spoke of the need for compassion and charity when people make decisions we cannot accept.
At that point the students seemed to change their response. They had no difficulty in acknowledging the objective wrong of abortion. But, unbeknown to their teacher, the issue that had tied them in knots was a classmate who had recently had an abortion – they did not want to turn their back on their friend.
So what seemed to be a ‘No’ for an issue of faith and morality actually contained a ‘Yes’ hidden within – a ‘Yes’ to compassion and charity.
Reading that story reminded me of a couple who called the Presbytery one Saturday morning. The woman, from Europe, was in the early stages of pregnancy. I agreed to meet her and her partner in the chapel. They wanted to talk with me about having an abortion. Their relationship had ended and she was returning to Europe the following week and had already booked into Auckland Hospital for an abortion on the Monday morning. I listened to them both and we prayed. I then asked if I might give them both the Sacrament of Anointing. They agreed to that. The woman told me that this sacrament would not change her mind. It would be her decision, and hers alone. I simply replied, as I have in similar cases, “I pray, that whatever you decide, and fully respecting your conscience, that this child will be a blessing to you both…”
They both cried during the anointing and asked me to leave them in the chapel. That Saturday, a grey wet day, I later saw them out walking and I again prayed for them and their baby.
The woman called me later that week to thank me. She had flown to Auckland to have the abortion. While on the gurney, waiting to go into the theatre, she hopped off the trolley, went back to her room, got dressed, and discharged herself. She had decided to keep the baby. Her former partner had promised to help her raise it, even while they both acknowledged their relationship was finished. She was returning to Europe. She then said, “I never want to see you again but I do want you to know how grateful I am for your time and for the Sacrament of Anointing.” She added that she still felt “very raw” and faced an “uncertain future” but knew she had “made the right decision" and was at peace.
So, what looked like a ‘No’ was actually a ‘Yes’ masking as a ‘No.’
In the Gospel parable, the first son changes his mind. In other words, he allows God’s unfailing grace to catch up with him.
I think it was the same for that woman and her former partner. Likewise with the High School class and likewise for ourselves. In reaching out to those on the peripheries, and in our own moral development, the gradual responding to grace takes time and requires great wisdom.
Rev Michael McCabe (PhD) is founding director of The Nathaniel Centre and Parish Priest of Our Lady of Kapiti Parish
The Buttons Project – Towards healing from abortion
Marina and Peter Young
The Buttons Project aims to create an opportunity for those affected by abortion – mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings and friends – to share their stories. It was launched in 2008 by a couple, Marina and Peter, who had themselves experienced the grief and healing of abortion and wanted to do something to help others heal after their abortions.
Their dream was to encourage those affected by abortion to send in a button in order “to commemorate the babies we never met”. Why buttons? They are easy to find and send; each one can be unique; they are long-lasting; buttons symbolise closure; and buttons join, they ‘bring together’ - ‘we are not alone’.
Marina explains that people who have had an abortion can no longer hold their baby and tell that lost child what they want to say, but they can hold a button. A button allows people to share their stories and to also create a memorial for their babies lost to abortion.
Marina and Pete tell the stories of their own abortion journey in a booklet The Unforgotten Babies. In Marina’s words: “I have walked a long road of grace, forgiveness and healing. But how do others find some closure and healing? Where do they turn for help? Abortion is often a taboo subject, no one wants to talk about it or acknowledge the aftermath of abortion. So, to avoid judgement, too many struggle on their own. It becomes a deep dark secret which affects who they are … My dream was – and remains – to collect thousands and thousands of buttons to create an amazing memorial. It will be a place to visit without judgement, a place to remember, to imagine, to grieve, and to then move on from with some peace and healing … For many, abortion is a life-changing event. Abortion can harm women and yet there are individuals and groups who refuse to acknowledge this, or minimise it, seeming to place the right to obtain an abortion at a higher priority than the long-term health and welfare of women. There is much I could discuss with those people, and much we would probably disagree on, but I do want to say this: ‘Whatever your beliefs are, we need to walk gently in people’s lives as we do not know the journey someone has travelled, or the choices the woman had to choose from, that brought her to having an abortion’.”
Peter tells his own story of experiencing abortion and the different way in which he managed or tried to manage his own reaction to it: “… we thought it was the best thing to do: do it, then leave this unfortunate incident behind us and get back on our road to future happiness. I was completely naïve to what was about to unfold … I realised I needed to acknowledge my failings, admitting my mistakes and seeking Marina’s (and Hope’s) forgiveness, for not being their support and their protector in that situation … The Buttons Project is the beauty from the ashes in our life.”
Over 20,000 buttons have been sent to the Button Project, some arriving anonymously, some carefully wrapped, and many with stories and comments. The Buttons Project website, https://www.buttonsproject.org/ includes picture of some of these buttons with their personal messages. While most messages are from the mothers, many are from aunts or siblings of those lost to abortion as well as from friends of the mother, persons whose grief is either not recognised or forgotten.
Marina and Peter have named their baby ‘Hope’: “The button and her name represent hope for the future, peace now, and freedom from the past. It is for closure, and to commemorate something that was part of us.”
To order a copy of Marina and Peter’s booklet, “The Unforgotten Babies”, please email Marina on: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or order through https://goo.gl/forms/g0LPL8ioaSZ3AmDg1
Have your say on proposed abortion law reform
The Law Commission has been asked to provide advice on the possible changes to New Zealand's law concerning abortion. The Law Commission will conduct a review and report back to the Minister of Justice.
The Law Commission is inviting feedback from the public about the law change. Input can be provided until 5pm on 18 May 2018.
Information about the current law is available at: http://abortionlaw.lawcom.govt.nz/
The link to online feedback is: http://abortionlaw.lawcom.govt.nz/views/
A submission guide is available at: http://www.chooselife.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Law-Commission-Submission-Guide.pdf
Other information:
A Curia Poll:
https://www.familyfirst.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Abortion-Poll-Results-January-2018.pdf
Abortion and Women's Health: https://www.spuc.org.uk/~/media/Files/Abortion-and-Womens-Health_April-2017.ashx
Abortion Supervisory Committee Annual Report 2017: https://www.justice.govt.nz/assets/Documents/Publications/ASC-Annual-Report-2017.pdf
Some Resources:
the Buttons Project
https://www.buttonsproject.org/
Pregnancy Help: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
P.A.T.H.S. Post Abortion Trauma Healing Service
http://www.postabortionpaths.org.nz
Pregnancy Counselling Services
http://www.pregnancycounselling.org.nz